A Nightmare About Clowns: Post #3

(Dear readers, my apologies for this late post. I was traveling, and my flight was canceled causing the usual turmoil. I'll publish the last post in this series tomorrow, Sunday. Then, we'll analyze my travel experience as a waking dream!)

 photo courtesy of 123er.com

A young woman had a dream in which she saw a clown staring in at her from her kitchen window. At first she was amused, but then the clown became sinister. The dreamer and I worked on the symbols and she was able to come up with excellent descriptive metaphors. We took those metaphoric descriptions and retold the dream using them instead of her original symbols. What follows, below, is her dream retold in this fashion.

As always, I have tried to stay faithful to her own words. I have only added short phrases like “there’s a part of me,” or, “within myself” that remind the dreamer that every symbol is a facet of herself.

The clown dream retold as a metaphor

I’m in a place within myself that is the hub of my household. It’s where I make the meals that sustain the part of me that is my family. But it’s more than that. It’s where all of the parts of me gather and share. I am preparing the main meal of the day that we will all share. It is not only to replenish our physical bodies, but we actually renew our relationships and re-bond. This is also the place within myself where I can look out and see the wider world. But I am buffered and protected from the wider world. I am working at the place within myself that is one of the main areas for preparing my food. This area’s purpose is cleaning, washing and preparing.

Then I see a part of myself that is usually a diversion and an amusement. It makes me laugh which releases tension in a harmless, healthy way. If this part of me is particularly competent, it can be really entertaining. Its appearance was unexpected. I don’t usually have that kind of experience while I am preparing a meal, and I was taken aback. I was amused and entertained. I was delighted.

But there lives in me humor with a dark side. If I innocently include myself in the lighthearted revelry, then that’s one thing. But if I am mocking myself or demeaning myself, then that’s unpleasant. In this case, I had the feeling that there were ulterior motives. I had the sense that my dark, humorous self wanted to harm me. This part of me was starting to act in a threatening manner. Then the threat doubled, and the menace kept growing. Yeah. By now I was really frightened. This part of me was trying to get into my personal space. I wasn’t sure that my internal, protective shield would be strong enough to keep this sinister part of me at bay. It was terrifying. I let out a desperate cry for help which was also a release from my own tension. There was an element, too, of it being the only thing I knew how to do to fight against this darkness.

Thoughts

The dreamer discovered that her dark humor was trying to invade the area within herself where she prepares her “food.” Tomorrow we’ll ask her about this. What is it in her life, now, that she is simultaneously "preparing" and trying to undermine?